I am going to share a little secret with you all, I have had miracles happen in my life that I can only say, give proof there is something bigger than us energetically on this planet and I am still learning to trust!
Here is one example that truly one could not argue with, I myself have tried! I was at a break down in my relationship to the point of no emotional functioning. At the time my boyfriend had betrayed me by playing strip poker with a girlfriend, both I trusted. Now when one is betrayed by really an innocent small event, it becomes big when it awakens all the other betrayals I had had happen in my life. Life gave me an opportunity. One I never foreseen. .I had no spiritual life at this point, I had walked away from God when I became pregnant at 17, so this event came without any belief of a power greater than me.
My breakdown looked like this, me crying on my bed uncontrollably, feeling like life was over. I wanted someone or something to come and end my life, as suicide was not an option for me as I had agreed to never try that again. I didn’t ask for help, I didn’t call out for any spiritual interventions, I just curled up in a ball crying, hating my life. Then in my bedroom, outside of my head, heard a voice. It told me to read a psalms passage in the bible. Thinking there was someone in my house I got up and went to the kitchen and grabbed a big kitchen knife, and searched the house. NO ONE was there. Back to my bed I went, exhausted, and again, loud and clear was the voice. I decided to answer it with, “I don’t own a Bible.” It replied, “There is one in your son’s closet on the top shelf.” Ok, I’ll play and go and look. As you can guess there it was. So, coming this far I turned to the psalms. There in black and white was a story about how a leader of an army had been betrayed by his second in command and the story continued to give advice to the leader how to proceed. Imagine yourself in this situation, you do not or have not ever read the bible, you can not understand how you could have heard a voice, but also you can not move forward from this type of experience the same as you did prior! I am not going to disclose every situation like this to you, as the entire blog would be pages long, I just want to give one example where I could not longer accept the belief that there was not a God. Of course my definition of God was very childlike from this experience and it would grow and change over the years, but from this moment I believed one thing, there is God and God will grant us whatever we dare to ask for!
Lets jump forward about 8 years from this experience when I met Nancy. She was my first shamanic teacher. These words stuck for me. She said, no matter what you do in your shamanic journeys always remember to listen and follow the guidance given. This willingness is what makes me good at what I do, I don’t get to judge or pick and choose what it is Spirit requires of me. If Spirit says dance, then I dance. But what if Spirit says, suffer be in pain with an illness, do I still trust, do I still listen, not as easily, but in the end I do.
Recently I have been gifted by a Wisdom Keeper some energy downloads. But to receive this gift in fullness I am not allowed to work on anybody else, I have to wait until my energy body full aligns this new energy into my physical body. You would think I would be in complete trust, in complete grace with such a gift! But no, I am whining and complaining about how long it is taking, I am worried that I can’t help my sick friend, that I can’t do a soul retrieval for a women who has a hole through her body, that I can’t answer the questions asked of me. It means trusting this group of spiritual mentors that I can’t honestly say exist and yet I can’t honestly deny.
It comes down to a decision, trust! Trust yourself and your own inner knowing. Trust that all that needs to be there will always be there. Trust that life will give opportunities to grow from. Trust from a place that is non-trusting. Does this mean we do not have to do work, trust that we do as we know to do and as we do the awareness will appear. When I live from this place, I am at peace even in the midst of chaos. Do I loose it sometimes, for sure, I am human. I am not a Saint.
So how do you know what to trust? By knowing what not to trust! Here is an example. I follow a food plan, that eliminates carbs. For supper I made these beautiful mashed potatoes for my hubby. I said No to them at first but then my mind convinces me, they won’t be there tomorrow. Now as long as I have been on Earth I have been able to enjoy mashed potatoes, really, they won’t be there ever again. False, there is evidence that they will be there again. Trust in the evidence of my life experiences with mashed potatoes! So why did I give in and eat them, because in the moment I trusted that inner voice that said mashed potatoes will cease to exist in the future!
Ok, so try on a bigger example. I had a tubal and for 5 years suffered leg paralysis from an allergy to the titian clips. I tried everything my inner self told me to do, and nothing solved them. Then on vacation in Arizona, a very rare gift, I visited Sedona. The energy frequencies in Sedona plus my unwillingness to listen to my body not to go hiking, brought on the worse leg cramping ever. The rest of my vacation was spent in bed, very drugged with my husband sitting in a chair. In this place I found surrender, I said to my self, what if this is as good as it gets? The fight drained out of me and I just surrendered to being in pain, in a bed and prayed I could find enough pain relief to walk onto an airplane to get home. Somehow in this place I found trust again. Trust from a place that life will go on and I will have to be ok with having leg pain and loosing my ability to walk every couple of weeks. Trust that somehow my hubby would make the money to pay the bills cause I wasn’t going to be able to do as many massages. I gave up the fight, I gave up trying to fix the problem I just surrendered to being in pain. Weird huh! Life experience to this point had clearly shown me that all the healers, all the doctors and even my own spiritual abilities failed to heal my legs. I could not trust any treatments to end them, I could trust them to give me some pain relief but not healing. I could trust that the leg cramps would come like clock work on a regular basis but they didn’t kill me, just hurt like a bugger. You see when I got out of the way of trying to fix them, the universe could help me. Within 5 months of this, I was in surgery having the clips removed.
We can only trust that what we know to be true. When we need to learn to trust something we currently don’t, then an experience will come along to give you that option. Just as my God voice experience did for me. I needed to learn how to surrender control, so I got to have an out of control experience to get it. I also learned from my leg cramping experience to trust my inner voice. What I didn’t share is before the surgery took place, I was told by my inner voice, family members and even the doctor not to have a tubal. But I did not want to see my husband in pain with a vasectomy so I choose to have it done to save him any discomfort. Plus I am 10 years older, what if I would die and he would want more children. Past viewing often lets us see the truths we didn’t see before thereby teaching us a new avenue of trust.
I have learned to Trust Truth, your truth, not someone else’s. Life gives us the truth all the time. If you still are confused about what to trust, then review your past because every time you make a decision what you trust is showing up. Sometimes what we trust is not the truth, as in the mashed potatoes so a careful analysis of whether that is true or false helps us get rid of the decisions we make trusting false information. I get told all kinds of things to trust, but I don’t buy into any of it until I have had an experience of it. I question everything and as a result I may limit my full experience in life. Until I can fully understand something from my own self I can’t trust it. Does this mean it is not true for that person, No, it is their truth.
It all comes back to one thing, You! What do you trust and what do you not trust. By knowing your own truths and honoring them, you are trusting. Even manifesting, is based on trust. You can not manifest anything you do not believe in. Each of us have truth we create from our experience and out in the world are a whole bunch of other people who have truth they have experienced. Sometimes getting to know another’s story opens us up to have an experience that opens another truth for us to Trust. Just be honest with yourself. I you do not believe in another’s truth, then you don’t! Don’t try to trust anything you don’t actually know as truth. I am not suggesting you close your mind off to new experiences what I am suggesting is that you start with knowing truth as you know it and then open yourself up to learning new truths. I have had the experience that shows me that trusting the Wisdom Keepers gives me positive results in my life so although I am frustrated by this request to allow a download to take place, I know to trust it.
Writing a list of your truths often show us what we know to be true. Sometimes a truth we have experienced in not one we wish to keep so prove it wrong. Sometimes we wish we could trust something or some idea. When this shows up then give yourself the experience to develop that new trust. In my life sometimes I just have to try something that I don’t believe will work to prove the theory. Experiment! I have learned that there are things I will try, from the place of not really believing in it but having enough curiosity about it based on evidence that it has worked for others. I trust myself in these situations to know the difference of what works for me and what doesn’t.
Life is meant to give us experiences to teach us about our truths. Our truths are what defines Trust. Changing our truths will change our trust. To change a truth, it needs to be experienced and filed within as such. Start by examining every decision, see what truth you are believing and ask yourself, is this my truth or someone else’s? What evidence do you have to prove the truth is true? When you want to move forward with something but you do not trust it, then look for the operating truth you are believing in. Then do an experiment, put your current truth to the test and see if it proves true or false. Just know what you have to loose or gain in the experiment so you are accountable to yourself. In other words if you want to try an investment of $ 10,000.00 on a project in your experiment and it fails, you may loose the 10,000.00 but you would know for yourself the Truth!
Thanks for joining me on this little conversation about Truths and Trust Deb